Compulsions of a Cereal Killer

Dear Oops All Berries Captain Crunch Brand Cereal,

I have to say that you are, in summation, one of the most underwhelming treats I have consumed. I remember back in the day when the crunch berries were the best part of the entire Captain Crunch experience. Much like the treasure hunt of a marshmallow laden bowl of lucky charms, the fun was in wading through the yellow squares to find your berry goodness. After diligent search and milky treks, the spoon reunited with the berry and monstrous joy was to be had.

Not so any more, All Berries. I'm on to you and your foul-mouthed deceit. First of all, how am I supposed to enjoy the thrill of the hunt when none of you are hiding? All of the berries are RIGHT THERE. Not to mention the colors all clash like a synesthete's nightmare (that one's for you, Casye). Red, green, blue, and purple? Come on. That just makes my eyeballs sear back in color wheel induced agony. Not to mention that you don't even taste like the good crunch berries any more. You just taste like normal Captain Crunch, and everyone knows that that's the part of the cereal nobody really wants to eat.

Sorry to say this, All Berries, but I'm going to have to abandon you to the drain and switch to breakfast time's Ole' Reliable: Honey Nut Cheerios. If I were to give you a grade in deliciousness, I would mark your test paper in a bright scarlet F.

Regards,

Melinda