An Employer's Ultimatum.

Dear Kenmore Dryer-

Ok. I know it's been hard for you. I get that. Not only are you kind of getting on in years, but you have to put up with my roommate never cleaning out the lint basket and an electrical partner that throws an all out self-destructive temper tantrum every time it goes on a spin cycle. I know it isn't easy; its clear by the way you shake anytime you have to work exceptionally hard. Gosh, sending you this letter makes me feel like i'm putting my dog to sleep. But this has to be addressed.

Five hour and a half cycles is LONG ENOUGH. I NEED dry clothes. Not kind of dry clothes, not sopping wet clothes, not almost dry clothes, DRY. CLOTHES. And I need them now. Not tomorrow morning. Not after CSI. Not during the intermission of the Harry Potter marathon. Now. Its not so much that you can't do this, Kenmore dryer, its just that I suspect you are an even worse procrastinator than I am. And considering I recently put off contacts and showering for a week, that's saying something. I know you need breaks, but think about it. Once or twice a week is really not asking that much. Frankly I'm starting to become suspicious of all these "breaks" you've been taking anyway. Have you been smoking, Kenmore dryer? I feel like I've been smelling something lately. And anyway, I can't have a slacker on my watch. I'm not paying you to stand around, dawdle, or do anything that doesn't involve drying my clothes. If you want to get caught up in World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons or Call of Duty or Farmville or something, you're going to have to do it on your own time.

I'm afraid I have no choice but to offer an ultimatum. I don't like it either, and I've tried to be nice. But I don't know what else to do. Either you start effing drying my clothes, or I'm firing your butt and putting you out on the street where you belong with all those other deadbeat appliances. That's right, exactly like in The Brave Little Toaster.

Sincerely,

Melinda.