Now that is enough. It's hard enough trying to get people to take me seriously without trying to throw brown Ugg Boots and grey leggings into the mix. During the months of October and November, it's really all I can do to trudge through the massive, glittery parade of red and orange. You think you can just traipse into my life every year and take over my closet with gloves and pea coats? You think you can make me just sit in a Starbucks with a leather bound journal hoping someone will inquire about my latest poem about leaves? Well? Do you? I'm not stupid, Autumn Cliches. I don't have to take this. I don't--
...That's it, I can't do this. I just can't.
Hello everyone. My name is Melinda, and I just really, really love fall cliches, alright? I love them. I love them to the depths of my pumpkin spiced soul. And I'm aware of how senseless that is.
Really, Autumn cliches. Have you ever really smelled a pumpkin? And actual, living pumpkin? Do you know what the fragrance is? It smells like squash. Squash! Pumpkins are nothing but orange watermelons, and we know it. A pumpkin is a vegetable and vegetables smell like nothing. But we sniff it alllll up. Pumpkin spice, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin candelabra, pumpkin latte, pumpkin everything. It's ridiculous in every sense of the word. But if you stop, for a moment, and ponder it. I mean, really think about it--have you ever tasted anything as delicious as pumpkin pancakes on a rainy Saturday morning? Have you ever experienced anything like the aroma of a house on a blustery afternoon after someone has made pumpkin bread? Look me in the eye and tell me you've never smiled after enjoying a pumpkin delicacy.
That's what I thought.
Don't get me started on yoga pants. They are garment of thin, sweat shirty material that barely made it into the day time clothing category. They almost don't even maintain the pocketed right the be called pants. But if you think for a moment that I don't relish in all the delightful yoga pants glory, you would be wrong sir. At any time a person, male or female, could show up at my house unannounced, wearing yoga pants, and would face no judgement because I would answer the door also wearing yoga pants. We could spend the day in yoga pants splendor eating snicker doodles and watching pride and prejudice, giggling into our cinnamon apple cider and putting stupid hats on the dog. You can't do that stuff in July! You can't I tell you!
We live in a harsh society today that frowns upon the love of common things and I tell you, enough is enough. As a woman of the 21st century I insist that I maintain the right to wear my cutest scarf even If it's September and also 80 degrees outside. So what if I built a bonfire for the sole purpose of being able to tell my fellow autumn lovers on facebook? So what if I brag about my new generic burlap, ribbon, mason jar craft on Instagram? Maybe I LIKE being overzealous about my new cornbread recipe?!
I have a dream that one day my future children will be able to walk down the street crunching leaves and eating their maple flavored desserts without fear of judgement. I long for a generation that embraces cran-boysenberry decorating ideas with enthusiasm. I hold on to the hope that, in another lifetime, I can pin all the sage-y, cinnamony, November-crisp prose all over Pinterest and know that no one will ever insult me over it by asking if I'm Canadian. That's the world I aspire to, Autumn Cliches. That is the future I want to see.
So, no longer. Autumn Cliches. I'm not going to be ashamed. I'm not going to hide the things I really love. And if those things include me, sitting with a laptop in a coffee shop, stoically looking out a window and trying to convince passers by that I'm drinking chai tea and investing in an inspirational blog I never have any intention of writing in, then so be it.
Ardently and Artfully Yours,
Melinda
